What It Means to Put Others Before Yourself

Philippians 2:3 NIV says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”

I have lived my whole life remembering only part of that Scripture which was most likely taken out of context.

I really only paid attention to, or was directed to pay attention to, the very last part: “value others above yourself.” Also quoted as, “…put others before yourself.”

This is wonderful wisdom when taken in context and with proper understanding, To do that, we need to examine the surrounding text to see what the whole passage is about. Take a look at verses 1-8:

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!”

So, the idea here is about living within the family of believers, united in mind, in love, in spirit, and in purpose, ultimately imitating Jesus. To serve one another and not selfishly fight for our own rights, to get our way, simply because we feel we are more important. We are never to put others down, even if we are in a position of authority.

However, what I heard growing up was I should always think of others before myself, no matter what, which set me up for a lifetime of believing I should always be put last. And being put last, giving in to everyone around me, was the definition of being humble.

I felt that I couldn’t stand up for myself, but in every situation I should give in to whatever someone else wanted. I have spent decades feeling uncomfortable being myself or asking for what I want or need, or saying no to what I don’t, without feeling guilt. If someone tells me I should or shouldn’t be this way or that way, or I should or shouldn’t do this or do that, even though I might protest at first, this misapplied scripture comes back to my mind. “Put others before yourself,” and I usually will give in. If not, I will feel incredibly guilty and prideful for “getting my way.”

However, if you look at the entirety of the passage, and really the Bible as a whole, with Jesus as our example of how to be, you would quickly see that that is NOT what this verse is saying at all. That’s not really even what this passage is about.

These Scriptures remind us that it is all about the motivation of the heart, more than our actions. When we turn our heart to Christ, His example, and His voice, the result is a natural tendency towards humility and the destruction of pride. When the Holy Spirit of God is our guide we will live within all of creation operating from a place of proper, healthy, respect for others, giving honor to those around us.

This does not call us to become doormats nor does it mean we can’t stand up to those who are abusive, or would attempt to take advantage of us. That is NOT the message of these verses.

I didn’t understand that, and often I became confused and guilt-ridden for saying no or standing up for myself or what I believed to be right.

As in most things in life, there is a balance. There are more gray areas than black and white, and we live within that gray most of the time. You can’t just have everything your way. But you also can’t always give control over to someone else, being silenced out of fear.

There’s an appropriate time to say no, to disagree, to not allow, to not change course, or change yourself. We live to please God and God alone, not man. But, when we live as Christ Jesus, led by the Spirit, hearts in tune with God, we will know how to create and live within healthy relationships. We will not be arrogant or selfish, demanding our own way, or be manipulative of others, nor will we be silent when we disagree, see sin or injustice, or simply have something to say that might be different from what someone else has said. We do not have to just go along with everybody because we are afraid to have our own thoughts and ideas, or fear being labeled prideful.

That’s cowardice. And the opposite of being prideful isn’t cowardice, it’s humility. Jesus was humble, but He was surely not a coward. He was strong, powerful, assertive, and unapologetically honest. We read about Him rebuking the Pharisees because of their pride calling them a brood of vipers and children of the devil. He flipped over tables inside the temple when God’s house was being turned into a marketplace. He didn’t just stand by saying, “Well, that’s what they want to do and I have to be humble and quiet and put their ways above my own….” No! He spoke out against sin, but the motivation of His heart was not pride in being “right,” or getting His way, but in restoring others to God.

In addition to love, THAT is the ultimate motivation of our heart. Everything we say and do should be to bring restoration, to draw others towards God. Living humbly, being servant-like, loving others, and wanting more for them than we even want for ourselves is how we do just that.

It took me a long time to learn this. And I am STILL working it out after a lifetime of misunderstanding. My prayer is that we all learn how to live as Jesus did, in power, authority, honesty, and might, but with tenderness, compassion, humility, and mercy fueled by love and a desire to bring restoration. My hope is that we learn when to surrender and when to stand up because there is a time for both. And that our hearts are filled with all the fullness and goodness of God, driving and compelling us into authentic, loving, and healthy relationships that draw others towards our Heavenly Father.

Have you ever held onto a message or a verse that was completely taken out of context? Share in the comments how that impacted you and how you overcame it, or are trying to.