Gray

It’s January 2nd, 2024 and it’s another gray morning. I think we have seen the sunshine just once in the past ten days. I wonder if those, such as myself, who struggle with the wintertime blues would struggle less if, despite the shorter days and colder temperatures, the sun shone brightly most of the time. Unfortunately, that’s not how it is in Pennsylvania where we only average 90 days of full sun annually. (Yes, I have looked this up!)

What is it about the grayness that makes me melancholy, tired, uninspired? It’s funny but I don’t recall feeling any differently during the winter months than the rest of the year when I was a child. Perhaps preoccupation was a gift that went unrecognized. Unappreciated. Maybe it’s true that what we focus on grows larger. I was focused on playing, or school, or friends, plus there was Christmas so I had no time to worry about whether the sun was shining or not. The halcyon days of childhood-winter were as wonderful as any other.

Here in the present, the holidays have passed with all their sparkle and joy, and distraction. The gifts are all opened; the games have been played; the cookies are gone; the holiday towels in shades of red and green replaced with our usual gray or white ones. The now-plain tree was taken outside yesterday so it can decompose back into the earth. As it was dragged through the house it left behind a trail of dry needles; remnants of the too-swiftly passing Christmas. All of the decorations have been snuggled back into their green and red boxes where they will wait until December to shine for us again.

As I look around at the house, now unadorned, it also seems just a little more gray. While I do enjoy the spaciousness without all the holiday décor, I miss the “extra,” as well. Maybe this is a good time to go out and buy a bouquet of flowers just to put some color, some life, back into our world…

I know there is beauty despite the gray, and even perhaps, within the gray. Maybe I can shift my perception to one of comfort from it. As the gray settles in like a smoke-hued sweater, wrapping itself around me and telling me to rest, I can appreciate this time of reflection. Of planning for the longer, sunnier, warmer days to come. Days so long and so busy I will beg to rest.

I suppose I can remind myself that, just like every season has its purpose, so too every type of weather, and every color. Even the seemingly endless days of gray have something to teach me. Perhaps, instead of being ungrateful, or wishing they would go away, what if I embrace them?

“Hello, Gray. I’ve decided to sit here at my dining table drinking my steaming cup of ginger tea, and just observe you. I welcome the gift you bring to winter, painting the sky like steel and subduing the normally vibrant landscape, now monochromatic, and shadowless without the sun. Thank you for cool, serene days, abbreviated as they may be. I appreciate you and the respite you provide. Linger with me here as I patiently wait for the golden light of the sun to send you into temporary retreat.”

I wish you all a beautiful, healthy, and restful winter and a very happy 2024!